For Sale... Top Quality Ford Sierra Estate.

Loose pipe fixed, stopping water leak!

Buy it here!

Go on, bid. You know you want to.

P.S. Joy, it's right hand drive, ok? It's not very good for the U.S.

Common misconceptions in the perverted world of pr0n

A good friend of mine has had a slight dilemma. She said she thought someone had played a joke on her, and put her pic on a website for swingers. She wasn't best pleased, but would I mind helping her find the advert so that something can be done to remove it. So, as difficult as it was, I had to sit there and trawl through all these delightful *ahem* women revealing their inner selves (some more then others) and see if I could spot her picture or name. It's an interesting site, go and have a look yourself sometime but make sure it's not at work!

I wonder if they say they will do what they advertise. We will have to wait and see...

P.S. She's not actually on there. Someone who is has a similar email address. "40 year old, 38DD boobs" etc etc

In the continuing world of dodgy websites

This was sent to me. I dunno how my mate found it. I need to talk to him I think.

Drink up

Picture the scene. It's 1987, about two weeks after the infamous Michael Fish non existent hurricane, and I am alone with my best mate in his house. It's Saturday night, his parents are out for the foreseeable future, and he decides we should see what alcohol we have in their drinks cabinet.

Now don't get me wrong, anybody's drinks cabinet is good enough to get you stupendously drunk even if it only has cooking sherry in it. My mate's parents were regular entertainers of local business gentry, so just about every conceivable type of alcoholic beverage was available. Down he sits with a couple of Esso's finest whisky tumblers, and pours a couple of *large* brandies. We both down them, and both agree that was not that bad. Onto the gin, and what feels like an 8 on the Richter scale persuades us to put that bottle away. We're not going to do that again. Then onto the Bailey's. Mmmmmmm how nice was that, we have a couple more.

So slowly but surely we work our way through each and every bottle, checking alcoholic content to make sure we aren't having anything alcohol free. Finally we have polished off what worked out to be 13 generous measures of different spirits, and we decide that the alcohol is kicking in and we should go and get some fresh air.

Anyone will tell you when you are drunk, fresh air always seems like a good idea. When you are sober you know only too well what it actually means is that you get drunk quicker. We decide to go for a walk, and it's at this point that things start to become a little hazy. I remember seeing my mum, with whom I was supposed to be going to the pub with later (it was only about 8 o'clock at this point) and she was quizzing me as to whether I still wanted to go out. I remember both of us running up the hill where I lived to see if we could burn off the alcohol (Yes, I know now!). I finally remembering stumbling down the path in my backgarden and going in through the backdoor, where my mother greets me with, "So had a drink without me, eh?"

Off to bed I went, with a bucket "just in case." Next morning I wake up wondering what has happened. I see the bucket and remember a little bit. I don't remember being sick, so I move the bucket only to find I had taken a (probably much needed) pee into it. I decide it's best if I don't do too much yet, and so I settle back with headphones on and the Art of Noise, Moments in Love and chillout.

My mate didn't get off so lightly. He was in trouble because we'd left the house without keys. He got home to find he couldn't get in, so settled down to wait for his parents on his doorstep. He'd then passed out, and produced rich brown barf all down his left sleeve. His parents return at something A.M. to find their delightful son wrecked and leaning against their frontdoor, which it turned out was on the latch.

Oh course I was a bad influence on him, and it was all my fault.

Still, why not start as I mean to go on.

My car's not well

Following my misadventure with the car whilst reversing up Everest a few months ago, and again causing it to overheat last week to the point it went "hiisssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," my car now seems to have a dehydration problem. On Saturday I noticed how the temperature was running 'a little hot' aka 'Hell, in a radiator.' I stopped to check the water and much to my horror the car seemed to be cooling itself with not a lot more then the air in the radiator. I limped it home, where I refilled the radiator with a gallon of water. Well 2 days later and I was on my way to work this morning and the same thing has happened again. Now I wouldn't mind so much if I had an idea where it was going, but to be honest it seems to be evaporating. Radiator leeks can be ruled out because there is no leakage showing anywhere and no wet patches on the floor when stood still for a while. So, it must only go one other place, via the head gasket into the cylinder and out the exhaust. Well past experience tells me that you should either see steam or dripping coming out of the exhaust when this happens, and I have seen neither. No treacle in the oil either, so I am at a loss as to where it is going.

There's only one thing for it.

Off to the auction.

Ever get one of those moments that make you say "Wow!"

UKTV Documentary Channel has this evening had a couple of hours of programmes on Narcolepsy, a debilitating disease I have had for most of my life. I don't like to call it a disease, because that's not a nice word for it. It's an inconvenience in my life, a bit like hayfever to other people. Instead of just getting the sneezes or the sniffles though, I just get points where I have no choice but to go to sleep.

Well the first programme shown was called "Nap Attack" and was first shown on the BBC about a year ago. I watched this when it was first shown, and although it was interesting, it had 2 flaws. First was the fact that it made out all Narcoleptics were completely out of control, and secondly it tried to make no explanation as to why this happens. It seemed more to sensationalise the illness, then explain it, much like a freak at a circus. It was still interesting viewing though because I haven't ever seen someone else have seizures (or as I like to call them, blackouts) like I have.

I thought that was it though, and then a second programme from the BBC Horizon team came on. It was truly amazing viewing, explaining not only the illness, but it's side effects. It has been known for years that Narcoleptics are normally overweight. We have a very low metabolism and as such a normal diet is not really acceptable. My pulse at rest is normally about 45 beats per minute, I have exceptionally low blood pressure (except when my son is doing my head in!) and I have a low calorific requirement per day. Most grown men require a daily intake of 2,500 calories. Doctors estimate my requirement to be only 400 calories. On this page is an interesting point that links the Orexin to other bodily functions, primarily pain and sexual arousal. Both are the prime reason I suffer blackouts nowadays. Some narcoleptics talk of laughing triggering the blackouts, but this just isn't the case for me. It's incredible reading something that identifies the problem and it's like a breath of fresh air.

This programme goes on to explain about a doctor hired to look into obesity, and what causes it. He isolates the hypothalamus and even a neurotransmitter that controls the appetite, and then decides he is going to remove it from lab mice. The mice he then has not only stop eating, but start to put on weight(!). The behaviour was studied, and at night it was discovered the mice were showing the symptoms of Narcolepsy. The Neurotransmitter has since been named "Orexin" and has been identified that it is the chemical that keeps us all awake.

Now the worrying thing has happened. All the chemists of the world have to now do is produce a drug that replaces Orexin. This means that everyone, not only narcoleptics, will be able to stay awake all the time. This is terrifying in reality. Your body cannot surely survive without sleep? It makes you wonder.

Local News

A well known local yob of the village where I live was arrested on Saturday night. Apparently he had thrown a bottle of Domestos over a few people in the local pub in a drunken brawl. Most people knew he was a bit of a twunt, but unfortunately the local reverend was caught in the fracas (I don't know what he was doing there at that time of night.) A small scuffle with the local constabulary, and off he went to the police station.

Apparently they are charging him with bleach of the priest.

*cough*

One of the great misinterpretations of all time

Stardate 1962. Some bright spark decides he needs a bridge to cross a river in Lake Havasu, Arizona. I can hear it now...

"Bill, We need a bridge"
"Yes, but surely we can buy a classy bridge, with some history"
"I know, let's go to London. They have some nice bridges"
"I've been. Why don't we buy 'the' London Bridge"
"Okay. Offer them some silly money for it. They can't refuse."

So that's what they did, They bought the London Bridge. The problem is they don't know that the London Bridge is actually a very naff standard arch bridge. They wanted the Tower Bridge, which to be honest I doubt would have been sold.

The story was told to me and everyone my age as a child that when the bridge was disassembled and reassembled in Arizona, it was only then that the Americans realised their rather poor mistake. Only being a proud race that couldn't possibly make a mistake on that scale, they now tell everyone they were doing us a favour by buying it, because it was falling down. Want proof? See here. The bridge that was falling down is shown above. It was the bridge built in the 1600's and was made of stone. The houses were typical of the age, timberframed houses built on top of the bridge. Is it any wonder it was falling down?

Still... I bet they still think they are right *snigger*

Serious face...

Neath College have spent too much, and jobs have to go.

From my point of view I don't know how this will stem out, but the harsh reality is I am unlikely to have a job within a month or so. The problem stems from the fact that the college has overspent in other areas, and they need to claw it back as quickly and as easily as possible, with no real repercussions to them for laying off staff.

Apparently 71% of Neath College's budget goes on staff salaries. Well call me a financial genius, but surely having everyone in the entire building paid by the hour is going to become more expensive then hiring people on contract. I have heard the old reply "but then you have to cover pensions, and look out for redundancy payments," when in reality even then I don't think it would come to the kind of bill they are looking at each month for staff pay.

The announcement that 17 managers will be lost throughout the college is hardly surprising either. They have managers for everything. Estates managers (aka bin emptiers), refectory managers (aka tea makers), office managers (aka secretaries) and resource managers (managers of the managers). In my department alone I can count four managers, one of which has only been hired since November.

Elsewhere in the college important factors have been spent on. If you ever pass by the main campus a huge Albino Pachyderm can be seen from the main road which has cost the college an estimated £8 million, £2 million over budget. Aha! I hear you cry. But apparently that's not why cut backs are being made.

Yeah right. *cough*

Another Week, Another Winge.

So, Britain has the most expensive petrol in the world. And with prices set to leap is it surprising we are on the verge of another fuel crisis like in 2000.

Apparently the UK price has hit the £1 a litre mark in many places, putting it at the top of the table. Bottom of the table is (not surprisingly) the U.S. with a staggering 21p a litre. Now admittedly the U.S. 'gasoline' is only 92 octane, and is a bit like powering the car on screenwashing fluid, but I wouldn't complain at that price. It is a good example of another crisis hitting this country as we speak though. In the U.S. diesel is sold, but because of it's general maintenance factors and pollution, it is easier to use gasoline.

In this country in our ongoing quest to save every last penny of fuel that we use, we have tried many different variants. Who can forget the cooking oil being used a while ago? The government realised that a loophole had been found and promptly closed it (oooh no... you can't have tax free fuel in this country). As for diesel, isn't it curious how when you are sat behind a bus in a traffic jam, what do you do? You turn off the blowers and if possible recirculate the air. Windows being left open are a big no no, and all because quite frankly you can't breathe.

And the government is pushing us the way of using more diesel by raising their prices. Now, it's all well and good saying petrol chucks out as much pollution as diesel, but why is it then you can breathe when sat behind a car in a traffic jam? And even more surprising it is then, that the UK has the highest instance of Asthma in the world! Now there's food for thought.

In the meantime, what does Blair say about all this? If we blockade like we did 4 years ago, he won't sit up and listen. Oh no. He will use force if need be. I can see the headlines now, "Women and children shot with rubber bullets at Esso refinery riot."

It's only a matter of time.

How to spend a boring evening in a very hot un-airconditioned building

I just found this and have spent the past hour sat reading it. I might even print it all out and bind it into a book.

Su-bloody-perb