The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds, as he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him, to show who is boss he beats it to death with a spade.
Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both, what can he do?
Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He gets to his last task which is to collect honey from the South American Bees.
As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees, he grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.
By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo, he wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?" The other lions say:
"Absolutely brilliant! today we had fish, chimps and mushy bees".
I see the Nigerians have advanced their scamming ability.
In one 24 hour period I have had the pleasure of 2 new Nigerian scam attempts. The first was sent to me whilst jobsearching with Monster. Let me show you what I mean...
BACKLEYS RECRUITERS COMPANY, pursuant to the service contract with BOLEX COMMUNICATIONS COMPANY, intends to Invite experienced and reputable persons having prime experience and capable of providing an Information Technology support services (as individuals or in a team).(eh?)
You are liable to contact The project Co-Ordinator of BOLEX COMMUNICATIONS COMPANY for any confirmation in regards to the project at hand through as follows: (Mr. Fran Oge) firstname.lastname@example.org TEL: 234-805-581-7164.
The ideal candidates will have commercial acumen and people skills, and must be forward thinking, flexible, committed and passionate. Must demonstrate previous experience from within a similar role.
This article is been advertised, so as to confirm your application for the project. If you are interested in the offer please select one of the skill sets below, in which you feel you can work well. We would not be giving contractors a telephone interview due to logistics, so a personal interview is scheduled to hold one on one as soon as you resume for duty.
Contractors should be aware that as soon as we receive your CV, you will eventually be qualified based on your CV and your work experiences,and we will automatically get back to you soonest as soon as you are been shorlisted due to the limited time factor before the date of resumption for duty.
(Ding ding ding ding - alarm bells ringing.)
Contractors are hereby mandated to respond to this article as soon as possible because the project will eventually be proceeding on the 1st of June, 2005. In Respect to this offer if interested, you are required to contact the project Co-Ordinator,
Mr. Fran Oge
25 AJAOKUTA STREET,
VICTORIA ISLAND ,
The Company will be expected to act on your behalf and lease with our company were relevant, as such you are to forward your passport copy to the company.
You are liable to make charges of about USD$950.00 for the procurement of your working and residential permit documents which covers:
(Sound too good to be true? It probably is.)
1, Administrative charges:
2, Diplomatic Courier Charges:
3, Working Permit charges:
4, Residential Permit charges:
5, Hard copies of the terms:
Expenses incurred, in respect to the procurement of your working and residential permit must be substantiated with receipt and this should be forwarded to me for later re-embursement after 14 days of procurement. You are to receive the hard copies of the contract terms and agreement and also your working and residential permit altogether, it will be delivered through Diplomatic Courier Services(DHL) to your various designated addresses respectively.
This is the preview of the contract terms and agreement as follows referred to all the skill set below:
PLACEMENT TERMS FOR PROFESSIONAL IT SUPPORT SERVICE PROVIDER (S)
1.0 EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: We are pleased to inform you of LTD approval for your provision of IT SUPPORT SERVICES AND PROVIDER. The management of BACKLEYS RECRUITERS hereby wishes to present to you the following terms of contract.
CONTRACT PERIOD: You shall resume for duty on the 1st of June 2005.
ENTITLEMENTS: All salary and expenses figures shall be in U.S. Dollars (USD).
SALARY: Expatriates shall be entitled to a Net Salary of US$180,000.00 in six (6) months. This salary shall be paid monthly at US$30,000.00. Work time shall be 40 hours workweek for the 26 weeks contract term. Any work performed beyond the normal 40 hrs a week, work time, shall be due for an overtime benefit to be paid at $300.00 per hour.
(Moved on since the days of Javelin Throwing?)
LODGING: First class accommodation will be provided.
TRAVEL: US$3,000.00 flat rate travel/entertainment allowance, shall be paid to employee by employer for each intercontinental trip.
MEDICAL EXPENSES : Employer will provide employee with comprehensive healthcare for the term of contract, and follow-on care for injuries suffered during the term of contract.
VACATION : Employees shall be authorized two weeks of paid vacation during the term of the contract.
Office Assets: Employees are entitled to a laptop computer system.
LOCAL TRANSPORT : Vehicles and other means of transport shall be adequately provided for.
MOBILIZATION: the first month salary and other entitlement shall be paid in arrears before employee embarks on journey to assume duty.
The contract terms will be well stated and expanciated by the agency in the hard copies that will be forwarded to you through courier services. I have reproduce relevant parts of the documents for your confirmation.
CEO/MD BACKLEYS RECRUITERS COMPANY
Note the "You are liable to make charges of about USD$950.00 for the procurement of your working and residential permit documents"
Preferably paid in cash, via Western Union, and without the need to see anything further of it. I think they are talking BOLEX,
And to go further, my phone is up for sale on Ebay. My mate (purely because I am too tight to have my own ebay account) has agreed to sell it on my behalf. He got this email last night.
hello, how are you and your business,i saw your advert and i deem it fit for presentation for my daughter so thats the more reason i contacted you and confirm how much you want to sell the item for me incl the postage via a register royalmail service to my daughter in Nigeria(ding ding ding ding - alarm bells ringing again!)
while i will be paying you via western union auction payment at www.bidpay.com so kindly get back to me with your name and adress as well as the total amount incl the postage so that i can send the payment cus the item is urgently needed so that we can conclude this transaction in timely manner ok. thanks
Are they for real???
Message for anni
I'm not ignoring you. Problems with text messages and been really busy. As you can see.