King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Friday, August 5

The differences between "them" and "us"

My father has just sent me this. An inspired if not slightly techie look at the types of programmers today. I thought I should give my own take.

  • "They" are the wrong types of programmers, "we" are the superior race.
  • "They" purport to program, when all they do is make some nice dialog boxes and translate forms. "We" program, using an embedded debugger with break points that hold the processor.
  • "They" wear shirts, ties, and live in brightly lit offices from 9am to 5pm. "We" work in dingy rooms with loads of spare hardware, £9.99 shelving from B&Q, in whatever we were wearing the day before.
  • "They" claim that without them, we'd not be able to do anything on a computer. "We" know that without us, they'd never have the platform to work on in the first place.
  • "They" sit and code away merrily with their mouse, coloured text, and easy to use interface in Windows XP professional, then compile using the latest .NET download from the live microsoft website. "We" use DOS edit, ned, or even edlin, and compile using a compiler from 1983 that came on a 5.25" floppy disk.
  • "They" think that Intel is nothing more then the company that makes their processor, and even running at 4GHz it is still too slow for most of their programs. "We" know that Intel have made some truly great 8 bit CPUs that cost pence, run at 2MHz, and have times where they have to be slowed down (NOP NOP NOP) to allow us to see their results.
  • "They" think optimizing is something you do in meetings, discussing avenues of enquiry that can be tapped in via their latest shockwave compilation. "We" know optimizing is sitting there, recoding the same routine for 2 days into assembly language, just so it runs a quarter of a second faster.
  • "They" have certificates on the wall signifying MSCE level 2 development, Post graduate courses from online education establishments like ICS or the home learning network, and a photoshopped picture of them with Bill Gates. "We" have mounted on the wall degrees in electronics, physics, or engineering backgrounds, Datasheets for the Motorola 6303i processor, or stickers saying 'you don't have to mad to work here, but it helps.'
  • "They" get home at night after spending an hour in London tube rush, wash their hands in the bathroom, and settle down with a glass of Chardonnay and Trevor McDonald. "We" get home after driving hell for leather through the now quietened streets, have to shower just to feel slightly cleaner after all the poking around in dusty power supplies, and get out a four pack of Stryke lager and flop on the floor to watch celebrity specials.