King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Saturday, December 3

Huey and Ralph

So, after last week taking the mickey about John playing out in the snow until he got snow sickness, nature decided to take its revenge on me. After talking to people in the neighbourhood, it became apparent that there’s something nasty in the water or air that is making people ill. Next door were lurgied up the same time as John. A friend of John’s who lives over the mountain had gone down with the squits taking his whole family with him. Even the bosses of a company I deal with admitted they had become bedridden following a nasty bout of stomach cramps and shivers. I should take heed, because early on Friday morning what can only be described as reminiscent of the scene from the exorcist manifested itself. Sick? I should say so, in fact so much so I think I cracked a rib. I slept all day, except for the mid afternoon where I woke up to have a conversation with my father (who’s in the U.S.) sat at the end of my bed about the fact my sister was splitting up from my brother in law. I knew he wasn’t there, I knew I was awake, but even the conversation moving onto how I was feeling was making it seem all the more real. I had a mouth like I’d been sucking the arse out of my cat. I could crap through the eye of a needle. Several times in fact, so I stayed in bed all day. To be honest I could barely stand up, so I daren’t tackle the stairs. I finally managed to drink some water at about 7, and had a paracetamol to lower my temperature I knew I had. I slept like a log, only waking up to look at the clock and have another drink of water. I stayed in bed all day today, only to get up so as to be able to watch Harry Potter on telly. I still feel like crap. I daren’t eat for fear of expelling my hoop once and for all.

That’ll teach me to mock the afflicted.