The Yorkshire Post

Here is an excerpt taken from yesterday's Yorkshire Post*

Barnsleh 'as bin clowt particularly 'ard by t' earthquake o' early Wednesday mornin. T' tremor measurin 5.3 ont' richta scale devastated t' local areeur, 'n residents could be seen wonderin aimlessly 'n exclaimin “choofinnorah.” News o' t' disasta wor spread sharp by t' large population o' 35,000 racin pigeons, 'n aid wor bein dispatched by t' red cross 'n even supplies o' fla' caps wor bein distributed. Meanwhile t' fire brigade wor called teur t' “Yorkshire Black Pudding Co.” factory i' pontefract when eur large fire skint art 'n neighbours wor sittin daahn ta eur free breytfast, whilst still arguin it wasn’t eur sausage. T' centre fert northern martial ''art o' ‘ecky thump’ (© 1973, t' goodies) i' 'igham wor damaged beyon' repair, 'n t' dod'th whippet sanctuary wor puttin art urgent calls for tins o' butchers dog, or a' least um purineur. Thee wor alsoa askin for bones for escaped jack russells whoa 'ed bin sniffin aroun' t' ruined buildin. Local dignitaror 'n celebrity Michael Palin made eur statement ont' local relief effoarts, "we lived i' eur oyle i' t' ruwad, et gravel" etc etc."

*may or may not be true