King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Tuesday, November 18

And God said, "Let there be light" ... "Just not in Powys."

Powys County Council have surpassed themselves. The largest county in Wales, and apparently the 22nd most densely populated, it is a long county that runs most of the way along the border with England. It has also decided, in it's infinite wisdom, that because it's so sparsely populated (mostly with sheep, I hasten to add) to turn off every other street light, as a way of cutting costs. This would work if it wasn't for a few things.
  • The extra darkness means that life as a crook is prosperous.
  • Prostitutes are to be found springing up everywhere, wearing nothing but fishnet stockings and bleating quietly from the corners of their fields.
  • The streetlights aren't having every other one turned off, but every two or three. This means the areas that have few lights now look like the insides of my pants (normally damp and cold, but very very dark).
  • The roads, which are confusing enough during a bright, sunny day in August (the last time was about 1954) are now not only confusing, but strangely black coloured.
  • Every man and his anorak are now converging on the area so they can stargaze without the need for special filters on their telescopes.
  • Every man and his wellies are now converging on the area so they can enjoy the local talent and the thrill of wool under the foreskin.
The benefit? Apparently to save £250,000. Already the increase in crime is staggering. Accidents are also up. And the Police, paid for by resident's council tax, are now snowed under not only during the day, what with penalising people for coughing without due care and attention or walking around with an offensive wife. They've now found they have to do some real bona fide paid for work detecting all the crimes that are now not being committed because no one saw anything.