I said I wouldn't blog this, but general advice and consensus is a free therapy, so I'm asking for your comments.
Following on from last October's post about myself and John's Mum, last Wednesday saw the final nail in the coffin. As mentioned before, Chris went to see her father up near Blackpool, and returned just over a week ago on the Sunday. She seemed distant for the next few days, not really saying much to me at all, before waking me on Wednesday morning and announcing that she was leaving. This was understandably a shock, but seeing as I'd ask her to stop contacting her ex back in October or leave, it wasn't completely unexpected. This meant that Wednesday was spent, shedding more then a tear or two. Thursday was a bit more human, and condolences from all sources meant that life was a lot more bearable, and by the evening I was a lot more at terms with what was to come.
It is at this point I have to point something out, Chris and I haven't been on 'brilliant' terms for many years. Our lives were intertwined, but hardly blossoming. And so when I caught her planning going to meet her ex (the guy she lost her virginity to) back in October, it really was a blow that was unrecoverable. The plan had been to tell me that she was going to visit her father at the end of January for a week, but really go and spend time with Sammy's (the ex's) sister in Stevenage. This meant that even though she was angry with me for confronting her, she agreed to not keep in contact with him. I should then say that things returned back to normal, but they didn't. We slept apart, and the only time we spent together was for shopping. Meanwhile, the surreptitious calls, the hidden texts (from her sister, apparently) carried on. The previous 3 years of £10 a month of top ups had suddenly increased to £40 a month. Passwords were changed on email accounts, new account were created, and whilst she spent very little time on the PC, I suspected deep down she was still in touch with Sam. I just couldn't prove it.
She's leaving on the 22nd, with the idea of flying home with John, that way allowing luggage of 40kg, instead of travelling with only 20kg. Then, the following Saturday, John will return, to live with his Dad. The problem is she has a lot more then 40kg of stuff, and so whilst shopping I suggested what in my mind is a damn fine idea. We load up my car with all her stuff, and then all 3 of us drive to Cardiff Airport where I rent a largish car, or people carrier. We transfer the stuff to the rental car and I drive up to her Mum's. I then take the car back to Glasgow Airport, and fly back the following morning to Cardiff, where my car is empty and waiting. She passed this off as 'expensive' and 'unnecessary,' opting to either get the bus or train (both which would cost over £100 and take forever!). On Friday, she said she'd spoken to someone and they'd come and get her stuff for her. She didn't say who, but thinking about it, I came to the following conclusion. 2 people in her family can drive. Her sister, who's over for her wedding reception after getting married in the US last year, and her brother, who's a waste of space who's never driven much further then 100 miles from home. In nearly 16 years, her sister's never visited and her brother's only visited once for another RAF buddy's wedding, where he was best man. The only other person I know that would probably be prepared to drive that far is Sam. Then, probably at that point the imagination kicked in (and where you can make your own judgements) I started to thinking about what's happened in recent times. The loads of calls and texts, which either haven't happened or are always from her sister. The visit to Blackpool, when Sam had said he'd taken a week off so he could see her originally. The night when she was there that she couldn't be contacted (her mobile was switched off and her father wasn't answering the phone). The fact she'd always said she'd never live back in Greenock, and if she did leave she'd go to her father's. The fact her mother's place is seriously over crowded.
Would it be unfair to assume that perhaps she is leaving me for Sam?
Meanwhile, back in the real world, everyone's been brilliant. If I'm honest, the sadness has morphed into anger, but not to any real level. One of her closest friends is convinced she's making the 'biggest mistake of her life,' and asked would I take her back if she admitted it. I probably would, but on the condition that some things changed, like telling her family to come down her occasionally or to show a small amount of affection to me once or twice a year. But, knowing Chris, she'd spend the rest of her life in some flea ridden bedsit, dining with rats and rising damp, rather then admit that she's wrong. My father and BLS are worried I'm going to get suicidal, but in reality I actually feel relieved that the past 3 months are coming to a conclusion, so please, Susan and Dad, stop panicking! I have loads of friends around me, all offering their help and support. Talking about it is helping, but I'm not a big believer in the American psyche of psychoanalysing everything. I'll soldier on. I know I'm a good catch for someone, and who knows, maybe I'll get someone to love me.
And so, there you have it. After 15 years, 9 months and 3 weeks, I'm single.
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