King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Thursday, May 28

Brekkie, anyone?

Following on from Tuesday's post and comments, I thought I'd blog on the perfect breakfast. Just be warned, this blog isn't responsible for making you so hungry you can eat a 'scabby horse,' or 'the arse out of a cat.'

My father will tell you that us brits make crap bacon sandwiches (butties). Admittedly, visits to any humble bed and breakfast in Blackpool, Southend, or Brighton and you'll be served a limp slice of dead pig that doesn't look dissimilar to a panting dog's tongue.
But, any multitude of roadside vans with grill and kettle (strangely most of them in this area advertise the 'best bacon rolls in Wales') will serve a half tidy bacon buttie and will cook the bacon until it resembles a small patch of scorched tarmac if the desire takes you. But, the bacon doesn't maketh the bacon sarnie.
What bread is best? Should it be thick sliced or freshly sliced? Roll or loaf? Wholemeal or white? Crust on, or (god forbid) crust off? Toasted or untoasted?
Do you have butter? Of course you do, but not the generic "spread" that costs next to nothing and comes in a cut down oil drum. Real butter, from a real butter dish, with a dark yellow colour and a slightly salted and greasy taste to go with it.
What about sauce? Some will tell you the obligatory tomato sauce is required. Bertie will say it needs nothing added. But I prefer a nice brown sauce, ideally something like HP's fruity sauce, which is mana from heaven.
Now should you require more substance, then what can be added? Some will tell you a good fried egg will make it all the most tastier. Do you like your egg runny, so that taking a bite of the sandwich means that the egg yolk explodes down your throat in a velvety smooth taste explosion, or perhaps you prefer the egg to have the consistency of a window putty with all the clumped together proteins adding to the taste sensation.
What about a nice sausage? (fnarr fnarr). The finest pork banger, sliced into half and served with the bacon padding out the texture without drowning out the taste. And finally, maybe a slice of mature cheese, melted over the filling before being sealed up and served in a greasy napkin and requiring a bib.