On selling your car

Dear Webuyanycar.com
Thank you ever so much for your kind offer. I was pleased to try your website after your most inspiring advert with a newscaster singing "We buy any car" gave me the strongest compulsion to see if my car was worth anything to your good selves. But before I go any further, I'd like to clarify some things. I bought this car from a well known online auction website not 6 months ago, for a bargain price of £405. I have been assured by a friend in the industry that I did really well to get it at that price, because apparently the Polish residents like Saab because they're easy to swap from right hand drive to left hand drive. They buy the cars, swap them over, and then take them to Poland where they make a huge profit.
I am contemplating selling my car towards the end of the summer, and I thought it would be a nice surprise to see how much my car is worth. I have a car buyer's guide and that tells me it isn't unreasonable to expect my car to fetch £1000, so imagine my delight when you offered me £70.
I thought I misread it. "£70?" I asked myself. "Are you having a laugh?"
I then read the small print, thinking maybe that's on top of a statutory payment, or they give you back anything you'd want from it like the CD Player. But, oh no, they then charge you an administration fee of £49.99 (+ vat) for buying it from you. So, I'd get not even a crisp £20 for my trouble? Whilst your offer is sorely tempting, I'd sooner fill the car with drugs and take my chance as a drugs mule across to mainland Europe, with the hope I'll end up in some flea-bitten jail, a cell mate called "meat" and a slightly salty sore bottom rather than take you up on your offer.
But thank you for taking the time to consider my sale.