The beginner's guide to Cockney

South London has some interesting sayings, and I found me and TDT were getting quite adept at copying them. So, here for your entertainment is my beginner's guide to speaking like a cockney. Oh yeah, and the t's must be only half pronounced and the end of every sentence followed by the obligatory sniff.

• "The waw'ta in Madge-orca, daaan't tase loik wot it or ta." -
• "Dis Faaaackin' Wevva's faaackin' 'orribew"(Heard outside Tesco in Purley on Tuesday) - I say, the climate's become rather inclement.
• "'Av ya got a snaaaat?" - Would you happen to have a cigarette?
• "Are ya 'avvin a faaackin' jerraaaaaaaaaf?" - I don't believe you.
• "Awwwwwwite, me ol' mucca" - Hello.
• "Sah ah got me's a new wissel win some faackin' pauk arks me weir I got it. I tol 'im to faaack orf and mine 'is own." - So I brought a new suit, when a policeman asked me where from. I told him to go and find out for himself.
• "'ere, 'av a butcher's at this." - Look here.
• "Am sorry me ol' china, but it's faaackin' cattled." - I'm afraid old chum, but it's broken.
• "Norf Laaaanan? Wha' the faaaaack dyou wanna go there for?" - No, I don't wish to go north of the River Thames.
• "Ere luv, fancy a wivvaspoons?" - Would you like to come on a date with me?