King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Friday, January 14

On making Tom Cruise films.

Here is my guide on how to make the midget scientologist Thomas Cruise Mapother IV even richer, by coming up with a guideline for most of his films.
  • Make his father disapprove of him. This way, he's constantly trying to prove himself throughout the film.
  • Make him have a slightly different job than your average Joe. Be it a race car driver (Days of Thunder), fighter pilot (Top Gun), Pool Hustler (Color of Money), Teenage Pimp (Risky Business), Barman (Cocktail), Lawyer (The Firm), Lawyer (A Few Good Men), Sports Agent (Jerry McGuire) or Car Dealer/Non-understand brother of an Autistic Savant (Rainman), he'll want to be the best in his field.
  • Along the way, he'll have a major hiccup where his girlfriend/wife/best friend will be either killed or leave him. He will completely lose the will to live, and will drop out of what ever task he's trying to become best at.
  • He'll end up going back to the same girlfriend/wife following a revelation he was trying to do his best.
  • He'll end up being the best of the best, getting what he wants the most, and everyone else in the film that's still alive looking up to him and admiring him.
Easy, see?