King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Thursday, April 22

I bet not one of these works here
Somewhere in a galaxy far, far away...

is a mobile phone network (Cell network for those stateside) that actually works. Mid call this morning, my phone proceeded to freeze. Not just slightly, more like catastrophic failure. I thought Orange head office must have been nuked, because the noise my phone made was paramount to Mr. Creosote exploding until I disconnected the battery.

Reconnection showed me the usual "Welcome to Orange" and promptly froze again. "I know, perhaps the sim cards loose" i thought to myself. I removed it, licked it, wiped it, breathed on it, inserted it, reinserted it the right way around, reinserted it the right way around with the contacts the right way around, turned it on and all was well. This evening the network died again, leaving all and sundry trying to get in touch with me. As soon as the network reappeared (some bloke in a local transfer station realised a plug was out, and plugged it back in) I get the usual "you have 3 new messages, 2 MMS messages and 13 new text messages. Read now?"

Aye. go on then. This should be interesting.

Dial Answerphone...

Press 1 to hear new messages.

Mr Creosote explodes.

I give up tonight I think.