King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Friday, April 8

Out and about today...

I was in my local car emporium (A shed full of tyres) when someone shouted to the proprietor, "are you out tonight?"

I replied, "is the pope catholic?"

To which my mate with me replied, "not at the moment."


Pyromaniacs anonymous

There I was, 9 years old, parents out, and I was in my bedroom with a large box of lego. I'd made houses, cars, catapults, cat removal tools, and every other invention that you could make mechanically with lego technics. I needed to spice up the lego. I decided that perhaps fire would make things more interesting. You know, slow, safe, hypnotic fire, as long as it is contained in a small area.

Just not with lego.

I remember it vividly, I made a full blown fireplace. It had a full chimney, mantelpiece, and fireguard. All made of lovely plasticky lego. The chimney was even considerately constructed to direct the smoke out the window. So I grab some paper. I'm not sure, but I reckon it was an old school exercise book, and shove it in the fire place. Now, fire was a problem, but a slight detour to the kitchen and I find an industrial size box of matches. I light the fireplace with eager anticipation, and the throes of pre teenage angst turn to panic as the lego starts to melt. I burn my finger as I manually pull the now burning well paper out of the black smoke filled chamber, and drop it onto my carpet. Michael jackson style of dancing (no kiddies this time folks, sorry!) and the paper's out, but the lego's caught well. The quickest way to rid the room of the now foul black smoke that is forming from the burning surface of the lego is to throw the whole lot out of the window. One Geoff Capes long distance throw and the lego lands with a loud thud in the middle of the back lawn.

Flames are gone, and my sister is stood in the kitchen wondering if a meteorite made of little blue, black and white bricks has just landed from outer space. Thud thud thud thud as she heads up the stairs to be greeted by a darkened room thick with acrid smoke. She swears blind she'll tell on me, but gets a call to go out to play and forgets all about it.

Small mercies, eh?