King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Saturday, April 28

Traaable in Kent.

On Saturday, 28th April 2007, at 8:18am an earthquake measuring 4.7 hit the English county of Kent. Local reports state that people were awoken by their beds shaking, and something reminiscent of a large juggernaut driving past.

A young mother of 3, Sharon Jones (13), was one of the first affected. "I fackin’ woke up, an’ likkle Strawberry Blush was screamin’ ‘er ‘eart aaat. I poked my boyfriend Damon, but that was just a normal Saturday mornin’ fingy. I then got up, and phoned 'er Dad, and the other 2's Dads, so that they knew they were ok. I asked if any of them are going to visit, could they pick up 10 Lamberts for me."

Meanwhile, residents of Folkstone could be seen wondering around looking puzzled and bewildered more then usual, and damage to property could be scene as priceless garden gnomes fell over and were chipped. Arthur Dent(71), a local councillor, was less then pleased. "My garden cost me faaakin' faaasands. I'm not best pleased I can tell you. It's goin' to take me faaaakin' ages to sort this mess aaat."

Repeated ASBO Billy Davis (17) was one of the first on the scene. "I was on my way ‘ome, so that I could replace my tag, when I noticed shakin’ all over the place. I fought I was ‘avin’ anuvver bad trip, but when people started running aaat onto the streets I went raaand the back and ‘elped myself to their DVD players and IPODs. I mean, it’s their fault for not lockin’ up their ‘ouses in time. It’s certainly going to be a day to remember, I’ll get almost 40 quid for this lot down Cash Converters."

In the meantime, the Eurostar train service will continue as normal, so that illegal immigrants still have safe passage into the UK.