King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Tuesday, November 17

Problematic pussies

The cats are doing my head in. Recently I've been having a visit from the local farm cat, who comes in, eats Shallot and Turvy's dinner, takes a leak somewhere new in the house, and then leaves. This has to be sorted out, and the easiest way (I thought) is to get a controlled catflap. You know the sort of thing, the type that requires the cat wears a little magnet on their collar, and this magnet allows them in and out of the door. This means that apparently according to the delightful Debbie that they come in with rusty nails, bolts and small Japanese cars attached to their necks. That and when they try to eat or drink from a metal bowl, they get stuck. (Am I evil for finding this funny?) This also means the little buggers darlings have to wear collars, something Turvy in particular has never been keen on. So, last week I got them a couple of cheapo flea collars, with added fur and irritating bell. Shallot's not impressed. He conveys this by sitting looking at me, and scratching his neck. The eyes say "get this fuckin' thing off of me," and the affection seems involve him rubbing his new addition on me as if to say "go on, just take it off a minute."
Turvy, however, has done his usual trick and without the aid of an opposable thumb has managed to remove the collar. Yesterday I found it on the floor, so I tapped a can of cat food, tempting them to both come running in. I then collared (bdum tish) Turvy. The first 30 seconds we got one well, then his dark side came out. In a scene reminiscent of Taz from the looney tunes, he went "'kin berserk" (technical term). Me, not taking any shit, grabbed hold of him and tried again. This time, in the frenzy to escape, he wrenched his own head side to side, meaning that I accidentally pulled the collar completely tight. He looked at me as if to say "See? I told you it wasn't a good idea," gulped, and started to pass out. I immediately managed to loosen the collar and he came bouncing back within seconds. All was well again.
Then last night, Turvy was on my bed. I took a closer look. The collar's gone. If I find it, I shall staple it to his neck. And then knowing my luck, the magnet will get attached to the staple!