"Hello Mr Aitch. How can we
"No. No I didn't. I know my account isn't a high spender, high earner account. I don't want a platinum card. I don't wish to have a 5 figure overdraft. What I would like is to be able to access my money when I am abroad without being charged for it."
"Wha? How do you mean?"
"Well let me put it in a way you can understand. This is a cash account, right?"
"That doesn't give me any cash."
"Yes it does."
"No it doesn't. I can assure you, I spent nearly three weeks in Ireland. I tried every breed of cashpoint. I even tried all of their ATMs (for the pedants). I tried cashback, I tried direct money transfer, I tried to get the local loan shark to give me cash in return for use of my card. All to no avail. Meaning, I spent nearly three weeks potless. Now, are you going to do something about it?"
"Let me go and see the manager."
She pootles off for a quick chat, a cuppa and a chocolate hobnob, before returning about 10 minutes later.
"I'm sorry Mr Aitch, but there's nothing we can do."
"Ok. That's fine. I'll go to HSBC across the road because from what I gather they have a banking system that works. Nice to see you."
And I walked out.