A conversation with SFG today reminded me of this priceless email that I had years ago...
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.P: Friction-locks cause throttle-levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
