King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Tuesday, April 29

On Money

Apparently there is a credit crunch going on. As a humble analytical engine overhauler, I don't see it myself. I go to jobs, I do the jobs, I get paid. Cash. Simple, really.
Meanwhile, banks stop offering mortgages without 25% deposit. Credit card companies look back over their debtors and work out who really need a credit card and who don't. The Bank of England even stumps up money for banks as a cushion to stop us borrowing. And what do banks do with this money?

Howard, brummie twat from the Halifax, appears on daytime TV offering us another low interest loan or credit card, and a gaggle of 30 somethings in a London coffee shop still are discussing how to get their hands on a few thousand pounds cash by moving their mortgage to the Chelsea. I would apply for this mortgage, but if it weren't for two things. First, they don't work in readies. I'd like a mortgage for about £90,000 (this would barely pay for a parking space in London, whereas down here it'll buy an entire house) but I can't see them offering it to me in a large bundle in a brown paper bag. I'd also need to provide proof of earnings, meaning that I'd have to keep a record of my cash only payment system. Her Maj would then have a claim to the percentage, and I would be in um heap big poo. So I'll carry on the way I am.

Recession? Bring it on.