King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Thursday, July 10

My son, the hero

Yes, how's that for a slightly different headline.

Only 4 weeks ago, I was despairing over the fact that John had clearly come to a forked junction in his life, and whilst the Sat Nav had told him which way to go, he had blatantly disregarded it. Well last week he'd clearly not only found reverse, he'd backed up to that fork, and was now showing others the right way as if to say "the other way looks tempting, but this way is far more rewarding."

A few weeks ago there was a grand unveiling in the village. Near the shed with a bar community hall is a park with a small brook running behind it. This park is popular with walkers and it is a hub for a network of public footpaths heading out into the surrounding countryside. The problem was that to get to most of these footpaths you'd have a long walk around and through marsh to get to the other side of the brook, so the local carpenter made a lovely little wooden bridge reminiscent of the bridge seen in Monet's Water Lilies. The day after the unveiling, the little fuckwit chap who John had a fight with last summer and got arrested decided he didn't like the bridge. So taking a petrol can and a liberated Zippo, he headed up to the bridge and set fire to it, completely destroying it.

Now, understandably, everyone's a little peeved. Not least of all John, who knew that it was this boy Thomas, but wasn't anywhere near the fire so he couldn't prove it. And it is at this point he did something very intelligent. Not just smart for John, but smart for anybody. As he reached the park last Thursday evening, knowing Thomas would be there, he put his phone onto record. He then went over to Thomas and started chatting to him. He basically asked why Thomas set fire to the bridge, and that he should admit he set fire to it. He didn't threaten him, and he didn't coerce him into saying it, and sure enough within seconds Thomas was singing like a canary. He then found the local bobby, who now has a surgery up here every Thursday evening, and showed him what he'd recorded. The scuffer must have been wringing has hands with glee at such an arrest-worthy confession, and so we made arrangements for John to make a video statement.
It doesn't end there though. Thomas was arrested last Friday for Arson, and his brother Geraint (19, thick as two short planks) decided he was going to threaten John. I'd like to point out that nothing would happen to John because Geraint is all mouth and no trousers, but this was all (if you'll excuse the pun) fuel for the fire and it was all mentioned in the video interview yesterday. This family is known locally as the ASBO family, having been moved from pillar to post after repeatedly causing their local community grief. Thomas is the last in the line of troublemakers, and has only just turned 10 years old, meaning he's now above the age of criminal responsibility.

Not that that's put off the rest of his family. See you in court.