King of Excellent (according to Scaryduck)

Friday, March 26

On being banned from the Co-op - I didn't like shopping there anyway

Yesterday I was at my local Co-op buying a large bag of Purina cat food and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a cat.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a cat, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the cat food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to mark my territory and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op.

Have a good weekend y'all!