And so, Saturday night saw us invited to the local fundraiser of the children's division of the Rugby Club. Our invitees, Barbara and Eddie, had asked us along weeks ago, and we knew we'd have a hoot. As TDT and I got ready, we had a likkle drinky, her usual Vodka and Coke, and I treated myself to 4 cans of Bulmer's Berry. This drink is a sort of alcoholic Ribena, and is very tasty. This is not a good thing.
We went into town on a clear but chilly evening. Arriving far too early for the hall where the quiz was to be open, we migrated to a tiny typically Irish pub where the barmaid couldn't do enough for us. I almost felt guilty leaving. They also had Bulmers Berry in cans. When we returned to the hall, (A converted church, now a large hotel) we settled in and prepared to make mincemeat of the competition. At the front was a large projector screen, and the questions were displayed on there as well as being read out by the question master. Each round (10 in all) was punctuated with adverts for sponsors. For example, "Now the sports round, sponsored by Daly's Sports Shop, for all your Rugby needs," or "Coming up next, the round on Sexually Transmitted Diseases, sponsored by Durex and available in the toilets of this establishment."
I then found out that they have Bulmers Berry in pint bottles. Yum! No, we didn't win. In fact I'd go so far as to say we lost. I did however win a rugby ball. Barbara and Eddie won a tin of Roses (mmmm, choklit) amd a bottle of Hennessy Brandy (mmmm, alcohol). We left about midnight, after what seemed like a scene from a West End Farce as one person went to the loo, another went to talk to someone about the kids Rugby game in the morning, the third went off to the cashpoint. Finally we all reunited in the reception, and agreed to head up into the main town. I had heard about the nightlife in the town, and boy was it how I imagined it. We went into a late night pub with added bouncers, where a band was playing well but too loudly (I sound like my Dad). The place was heaving, and we found a table right at the back with enough room for Barbara and TDT to sit down. Fortunately, next door was a quieter room, looking decidedly empty and easier to get more Bulmers Berry, so we went into there. In the corner was a DJ, packing up after his stint, and we sat and chatted. I say 'we,' meaning me, TDT and Eddie. Barbara was on a mission just to hold her head up at this point. She'll be the first to admit the table looked very tempting as a pillow, and they left before us. As TDT did her usual trick of buying 16 Large Vodkas and Cokes at last orders, this meant that the bouncers were pestering us to leave and we eventually left just before 3. We'd discovered Barbara's handbag was still with us, and as I texted Eddie from her phone to let them know it was safe, he appeared at my shoulder. He'd been home, realised they had no bag and no keys, left poor Barbara snoozing on a window sill, and dashed back into town. The three of us stumbled back out into the street. Eddie said his goodbyes again, and raced off into the night. TDT was doing her best Boeing impression, with arms outstretched and "weeeeeeee" noise as we walked down the street.
"I want something to eat" she begged.
"No you don't. You'll be fine. Please, let's just get a taxi and go home." I replied.
"No, I want something. I really do."
Eventually I agreed we'd get something to eat. The local kebab shop ("Abrakebabra") and a chippy had queues out of the door, so we headed over to the other side of town to a Burger joint. It was busy. but not as busy, so TDT carried on with her one sided conversation.
"What do you want to eat?"
"I don't want anything."
"Really. I'll get you something."
"No, don't. Just get yourself something."
She disappears inside, whilst I stay outside and watch the 16 year old bimbos in miniskirts flirt with the local Garda (Police).
"I got you a chicken burger and chips, ok?"
So much for not eating. We walked up to the town centre and the main taxi rank. TDT is waving at any and every car, in the hope it's a taxi. "I can't see if it's a taxi or not" she says, "so if it is, they'll stop for me." The bright light on the roof with Taxi written on it should have been a sign. Literally. As we wait for a taxi, a man is stood atop a local monument shouting. "I'm on top of the monument. I'm taking my top off. I'm going to strip for you all." Another Garda appears, and he carries on. "Ok, I'm not going to strip any more. I'm going to put my top back on. I'm now stepping down from the monument..."
Meanwhile, TDT is still stood in road, flagging down vans, bicycles, Police Cars.
"Why won't anyone stop for me?"
"Because they're not taxis."
The Garda that saw off the Monument stripper was now standing alongside us.
"Wha's with the taxis?" TDT slurs. "Where are they?"
"I'm sure one will be along in a minute madam." he courteously, if not slightly wearily replied.
"But I've *hic* been waiting fer agessssss. Can't you do something?"
"It'll be fine madam. There'll be one along in a minute."
"Do you have a car?"
Yes. TDT had resorted to desperation. She wanted a lift home in a Police Car. Not good. Luckily, just at that moment, a Taxi pulled up. We clambered inside and headed the 3 miles for home. Inside, the driver was of African descent. Very dark, he had a friendly smile and was quite chatty. I was asking him about how busy he'd been when a booming voice from the back seat chimed up.
"Where are you from?" Obviously making reference to him being from far afield.
"Ennis" he replied.
"Ennis? Oh." TDT said. Not the answer she was expecting, she went back to cooing about her bag of food, still waiting to be eaten.
We got in and ate, and I finally retired just after 4. TDT had said she'd follow me up, and was sat eating and checking facebook. I went out like a light.
I was woken up at 6:30 by that "gnnngh" feeling from my stomach. TDT was still downstairs, I could hear the snoring. I went to the loo, and returned to bed. Half an hour later and the big white phone in the bathroom was ringing. I answered it, it was God, and he was treated to purple vomit of the highest order. TDT came upstairs.
"You ok, m'love?"
"Do I, *boilk*, sound *ack* ok?"
"Do you want me to come and rub your back?"
"No. It won't help."
I finished what was needed, and returned to bed. We bother stayed there until 2 in the afternoon. I have been put off Bulmers berry, and even drinking isn't that tempting anymore.
Well, it wasn't. Today's another day...
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